Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
