I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
