Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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