thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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