everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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