Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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