So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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