How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
