Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
