You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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