i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
