eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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