Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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