So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
