shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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