Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My dick has a subreddit
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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