somebody snuck up and got me drunk
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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