eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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