piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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