This is not my ceiling
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
