i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
