Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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