just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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