I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
