I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We had to coat check the pizza.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
