We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
