I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
