I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
