Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
