i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
