wrigley field is MILF paradise
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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