yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
