i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
