Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
