if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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