glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
