I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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