I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You took a bar mat shot.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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