life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
