If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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