I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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