Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
