Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
