I'm going to jail i love you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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