you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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