Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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