Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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