i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
