can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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