I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
