he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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