guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
zippers are such a cool invention
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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